I really do not know what's wrong with me.
Could it be because I never grew up in town or could it be because I was too timid to be me, to do me. Nancy, Nancy! Why are you this way? Even after going through campus, you didn't pick a thing or two about wearing makeup from your friends? Briefly, I am that kind of person who could take 50 selfies, scan through them and still lack one to out up as my WhatsApp profile photo. So I repeat the process twice and still nothing comes out. On one photo, I didn't smile properly, on another I showed too much teeth, and another my eyebrows looked way too bad, I never thread nor tweeze them. So they're like a poorly weeded flowerbed. But I swear I am not a perfectionist.
Now this is not a major problem because I can always find cute baby photos from the internet and put them as my profile picture. My troubles began way back in primary school, I was never that clever nor was I a book warmer. I used to fail math test like every other time. I remember my KCPE mathematics results was a 55%, and it was a C+. I was really overwhelmed. I remember a test where I scored a 38% and the person I followed had a 78%. Literally in the whole class, three streams, East, North and South, I was the last one. Mathematics to me has always been a nightmare, I hate it and I hate it that I let it sit on me and make me feel as if I have nothing in my brain. Sometimes I feel sorry for myself for not making it in this subject whereas I shone in other subjects such as Swahili and French.
I remember one time in high school, my maths teacher, Mrs. Mong'are told me that she is praying for me to excel as much as I did in Swahili. She even wondered, Nancy, who can you do so well in Swahili, write inshas everyday, good ones, yet the same brain cannot solve simple maths problems? I thought to myself, this teacher thinks maths is easy! Naah! She even asked me to really try hard and solve 10 sums everyday and take to her for correction. I did but guess what!
There was this yellow math book, Solving Problems, by C. Muturi. It had nice math problems, according to gurus. I only did the examples because I couldn't figure if out to even get to halfway on a real maths question. I had two books. One I used to scribble the sums whereas I used the other to cover the already solved maths problem. When I could get stuck, I'd peep to see how it goes, then cover again then peep until I finished. Sometimes I even scored a clean 12% in a math paper. There came a time I even no longer felt sorry for myself. I could say maybe I was bewitched or something. My high school math teacher even preserved a seat for me at the front, she thought as I sat behind maybe my eyesight had been interfered so sitting in front could save the day. But nothing.
Flash forward, I am going to town from Kikuyu, a matatu tout tells his passengers, wenye wako na coins tafadhali nisaidie, niko na shida no lose change. (Those who have lose money please help me, I have a problem with lose change). It's end month, I don't walk around with coins, at least for this first week. I am loaded and this morning when I got out of the house I didn't bother to check and see if I have lose hundred shilling note. I carried my cards and my purse full of a few thousand notes. I quickly tell the tout, boss manze, niko na thao, sina lose cash. (Hey boss, I have a thousand Bob and no lose money on me). He tells me, sawa madam maintain. (It's okay madam just wait). He does his rounds in the matatu and later comes back to me.
In his hand, I can see a five hundred note, and some two two hundred notes. Fare to town was around 60 Bob unless he had hiked it to 80 Bob. I was unsure. He asked, uko na fifty nikupee mbao? Do you have fify shillings so that I give you twenty shillings? I was so confused, I had given this chap 1000 Bob to remove either sixty or eighty whatever he could charge was not my problem at this time of the month, my only problem was, why is he again haunting me with something that has haunted me for the rest of my life. Math has always been a problem to me. Even the simplest of them all. I told him I don't have any other money. Because what I would do next would be an embarrassment. I was to go the the calculator app and start the math. A cute guy was seated next to me, so it could be a turn off if he knew that I couldn't do such a simple math on my brain without the help of my fingers and toes or even a calculator. 1000-60=940. If at least the fare was at least 100 Bob, a round figure, I knew my change could be 900. I am not that bad though.
A number of times I have been given change and thought that the seller has given me excess money. So in my little brain I say to myself, run, it's your day, only to find it is the exact amount or even it us lesser.
Now back to the main story, I am chocolate in complexion. I do not have any pimples on my face. One or two pops on my chin during those days, when I am menstruating. They are usually big and visible. More reason during those days I stay indoors. So my greatest things in life I have ever wanted to do is to walk around with a face covered in make-up. I couldn't want to fix the fake eyelashes, but just the ponds or face powder could be OK with me. I tried it once with my makeup artist and the result was awesome. I wrote a lengthy post on it on my blog with a title, MASHUJAA EDITION: MY HERO.
A number of times I have tried lipstick, one day I gathered courage and wore lipstick. So in the office, a colleague approached me and exclaimed; Nancy of all the people today you've applied lipstick... For a moment I was unsure, did I apply it the wrong way? Was the color too bright? I was confused and immediately took a serviette and cleared the lipstick from my lips. Then I thought to myself, this thing is not meant for me. I looked how I was dressed and acknowledged that that look was way too high for me. All I needed was Vaseline, I didn't even need face powder because makeup makes me look like another person. Maybe I bought cheap makeup, fake makeup that makes me look like an alien. Maybe I should try Black Opal or a Maybelline lipstick. I heard a real Black Opal goes for sh4000. I rest my case. Some people may not find me beautiful, but I swear I am not ugly, I am just broke.
#Ends#
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